Friday, August 27, 2004

LoL#49: Lime Green Spandex Monkeys

It's August 27th!!! Time to Celebrate!!! And for all of you that aren't Lauren (today's her 24th b-day) you can celebrate a very special 2nd Anniversary of The LoL!! (LoL= Life of Lisa, Lisa on Life, Lisa Online, Lawrence of L'Arabia....okay maybe not that last one...) But that's right friends! It's been two psychotic years of randsane quasi-deep thoughts littered with Matrix references and imaginary Celebrity Death Match pairings!! In honor of this momentous occasion I'm going to go buy some COTTON!!!!! WOOHOO COTTON!!!!!

(You know how "you learn something new every day"? Well, consider this your educational moment for those that aren't following me: According to some ancient books of wisdom and probably Hallmark too, the traditional anniversary gift for a second anniversary is cotton!! Granted, Hallmark has probably since changed this to say that the traditional gift for any aniversary is a Hallmark card but I guess they figure you'll buy a card to go with your cotton studded gift. In fact it could even say "Happy Anniversary! I hope it's not Rotten. I heard it's your second, so I bought you some Cotton!" *****Pause as Lisa considers a career change to Hallmark Greeting Card Writer***** Hmmm...maybe after we cure cancer....)

What's that??? Don't tell me you're not totally stoked about Cotton as a gift?!?!??

Just think.... I can go buy myself some cotton balls!!!
Or maybe some Q-Tips!!!!!
Some yarn, perhaps??

No make it a t-shirt!! Definitely a new t-shirt! And some SOCKS!!! YES! SOCKS!!! And then I can dance around like a spazz the way they do in the commercials while a little logo grows out of the center of the screen and says in that breathy commercial jingle voice "The Touch, The Feel of Cotton: The Fabric of our Lives"! SCORE!

But before I get too carried away - What's with that slogan anyway? Shouldn't time be the fabric of our lives? Or is that too metaphysical? I'm willing to accept that cloth can somehow act as an analogy for life but why Cotton? Puh-lease!! I'm almost offended that the commercial would insinuate that something as normal and ordinary as cotton could represent the "fabric" of MY life!

Can't Spun Silk be the fabric of my life? That would be pretty posh.... Oh wait I just remembered that I read something on MSN about how silkworms spin cocoons of one continuous thread of silk that when unwound can reach lengths of up to 3000 feet - and as cool as that is I don't know that I want the fabric of my life to be woven from something that originated in a worm's butt. Cancel that idea but I'm still not saying the fabric of my life is cotton. It's just too plain. Too standard. I'm not living the cotton life.

I'm probably living more of a Rayon-Poly Blend with 1-3% Spandex. And I'm probably some weird brightly colored fabric too. I'm like that bolt that you find on the endcap of the fabric aisle that's so retro it's cool and usually classified in the "Kids" section just because it's too wild and spastic for anyone over the age of 30 to take seriously. None of these primary colors that you see on the TV commercials. It's orange and lime green or hot pink and electric blue with the colors jutted up against each other so that when you stare at it you get that weird illusion that the shapes (which in my case would be monkeys) are moving of their own accord. Lime Green Spandex Monkeys. Yeah, that's a little more me.

Or maybe not. But at least it's not cotton. Happy 2nd LoL Anniversary everyone, have fun, keep smiling and thanks for reading!

Lime Green Spandex Monkeyfully Yours,

lisa :)

p.s. This message is brought to you by Taco Bell and the genius invention that is the New Blue Mountain Dew. Just when you thought Code Red was as good as it gets - they introduce Baja Blast. Thank you Pepsi-Cola!!

p.p.s. For those of you that missed out on any of the randsanity that the past two years have inspired, stop by and visit The Archive at ***edited: ***

p.p.p.s. Sorry I stink at remembering birthdays too - I owe a ton of shoutouts:
July & August birthdays: Beth, Agnes, Emily, Kris, Jason, Jessica, & Lauren (and I know I'm forgetting some too - I'M SORRY!!!)
And one more random shoutout to Kristy cause I have to tell you that my sister met Bebo Norman!!

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