"I want much more than this provincial life!I want adventure in the great wide somewhere, I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand to have someone understand I want so much more than they've got planned" ~ Belle, Beauty & The Beast
Except in myself, there's not so much a desire to want more as a desire to be more. Lately life's been kinda crazy and I can't help but feeling like I'm not measuring up. When work is crazy-busy I feel like I need to be more organized, more efficient. When someone gives me a Christmas gift and I have nothing in return I feel that I should be more thoughtful, more caring. When I look at wrapping paper scraps scattered on my living room floor or the dishes piled in my sink I feel that I should be more tidy, more domestic. When I think about risks that I didn't take this year I feel that I should be more bold, more adventuresome.
"I can’t stand to fly, I’m not that naive. I’m just out to find the better part of me. I’m more than a bird, I’m more than a plane, more than some pretty face beside a train. And it’s not easy to be me." ~Five For Fighting, "Superman"
And as I write up this mental laundry list of my own shortcomings, I think about how this time of year personal faults can shine brighter than Rudolph's nose. Follow my mental train of thought here: in Christmas we celebrate Christ's birth and the miracle of God becoming human. With that incarnation, it's understood that in every second of his life Jesus was perfect. In two millenia not one other human has acheived even a miniscule fraction of that. Grasping that, a sense of humility - and let's face it unworthiness - can easily ensue. We want to be more because we want to be more like God. We want to earn His sacrifice and say that if the tiny baby in the manger was born with the purpose of dying for us, we're worth dying for because we're more than just average everyday humans. But here's the kicker, we're not. God came to us not because we're capable of being good enough for Him, but because He loves us just as we are.
"I love you more than the sun and the stars that I taught how to shine, you are mine, and you shine for me too. I love you yesterday and today and tomorrow, I'll say it again, I love you more." ~Matthew West, "More"
No matter how organized, thoughtful, tidy, and bold I am - there will always be room for improvement. In fact, I could have three months advanced work itineraries; gifts for friends at the drop of a hat; a house that Martha Stewart would envy; and be living every moment of my life to its fullest - and still I would want to be more. But God loves me when I'm inefficient. He cares for me when I'm not caring. He still likes me when I'm not into cleaning. And he's gentle with me when I don't feel very adventuresome. It's these gaps in my life, and many more shortcomings, that allow me be in need of His son, His sacrifice. If I knew all the answers of how to live my life to be the best lisa I can be, I wouldn't need a leader in my life. If I were perfect, I wouldn't need a forgiver. I guess it all comes down to needing more of God in my life and what better time than Christmas to seek it out and accept it.
"...What You had in mind, through my weakness shine, show me grace, a little more than I can give, a little more than I deserve. Unearth this holiness I can't earn...With all this motivation, I still find a hesitation deep in my soul. Despite all my demanding I still find You understanding. Show me grace, show me grace I know is a little more than I can give, a little more than I deserve. Unearth this holiness I can't earn. It's a little more than I can give, a little more than I deserve." ~ Jennifer Knapp, "A Little More"