LoL#24: Night of the Living Cynic

Okay so I'm not technically a cynic in the sense that the true pessimists out there would lynch me before counting me as one of them but alas, I do have my cynical ranting moments (flashback to "CamPAIN Season") and this is going to be one of them. Why? you ask...

Because it's Valentine's Day. yay. hooray. (Tosses confetti in a most unexcited manner with a monotone-Ben-Stein-style shout of "woo hoo".) Call it V-Day, Happy Hearts Day, the Feast of Saint Valentine, or Single's Awareness Day but whatever spin you put on it it's inescapably cheesy and annoying to the max with it's froo froo Hallmark-iday sap. (Spoken like a true single, eh?) I was tempted to fill this message with all of my spewage about the day (Never trust a holiday that relies on pink as it's main marketing color...) but I've found that there are many more intelligent and amusing comments to be made and so I turn the floor over to various other authors. Plus, to the best of my knowledge only 38% of this list is currently single like me so I'm guessing the majority of you will be spending tomorrow with your sweeties and wouldn't fully appreciate all that I could share. All the quotes are somehow realted to love, Valentine's Day, relationships or something related to all that. (All the authors will reamin anonymous too so some of you are quoted here along with poets, lyricists, random people from work, and even yours truly.) Enjoy.


Quotefully Yours,

lisa :)

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"Courtship, like PCP, brings out the hidden reserves of strength and bravery that you didn't know you had. It also makes you do dumb things that end you up in the hospital or jail."
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"...there will be more [guys in your life]." "What if there aren't more?" "Then you'll get some cats."
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"Actually there are a lot of women out there who hate themselves and are
plagued by eating disorders and self-mutilating tendencies and they live
with a lot of shame. They feel like they are complete failures and messes and their parents, teachers and pastors disapprove of them. They begin to find their identity in the things that they do to punish themselves....I'm just really mad that our culture makes little girls hate themselves."
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"Love takes off the masks we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."
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"I'm so sick of these reality dating shows. Like what's the deal with Joe Millionare? I mean I could see the appeal of the show if the guy maybe had more than three active brain cells! Joe Caveman is a little more like it!"
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"Live right now and just be yourself. It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else."
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"Actually over time I've ceased to see beauty in runway models or any
models for that matter. They all look sad and they are just a sack of
bones and they have to maintain this falseness in order to keep their
jobs. They have to defy nature and be something totally "other" then what was intended for women to be. It's to a point where they have become the standard for beauty even though they are just a bunch of freaks of nature. And they even have to go under the knife to maintain the freakdom. Of course that's all we have to compare ourselves to so we think we're the freaks."
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"How can the world want me to change? They're the ones that stay the same."
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"Do you think pre-meds ever send anatomically appropriate Valentines? Like 'I love you from the bottom of my left ventricle'? Or maybe 'I love you with all of my heart and my aortic arch and my superior vena cava and my pulmonary arteries.....'?"
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"I have a theory. It goes something like this. In America at least, the single greatest deterrent to the advancement of the kingdom of God is...breakups. Is...unreconciled relationships. In our culture. In our generation. Unforgiveness is our death amd our destruction."
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"I don't buy into all this nonsense about scaring a guy off by calling him. We're talking about the gender that stormed the beaches at Normandy, and yet suddenly they're standing on a chair screaming 'EEK!' because the phone rang and it's a female on the line."
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"He's the one who will be missing you, you'll only miss the man you wanted him to be."
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"So basically you see realtionships as a means to an end where that end is your own happiness?" "Uh...yeah" "And how is that not the definition of selfish?"
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"In literature as in love we are often astonished at what is chosen by others."
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"Girls are like clowns, both wear makeup and scare me."
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"Just remember two things: number one - he's a boy ; number two - boys are s-t-o-o-p-i-d!"
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"Everyone quotes Romeo and Juliet as this great story of love, but, hello! they both die at the end of the play! Where's the love in that?!?? In fact the only one with any chance of a happy normal life is the narrator! Heck with love, I just want to narrate!"
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"There's a reason Shakespeare said 'Never was there a tale of more woe'." "Well, yeah cause if he said 'Never was there a tale of more love' it would have to be Juliet and Romeov and that just sounds stupid!"
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"Be happy. But don't be happy like a honeymoon, be happy like a health club. Work hard. Mature. Challenge and be challenged. Grow stronger. Be happy."
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"Every guy is at least 10% jerk, it's just that some actually reveal it right away."
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"Valentine schmalentine!" "Did you just say....schmalentine??"
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"I don't wanna lose you, I don't wanna use you just to have somebody by my side and I don't wanna hate you. I don't wanna take you, but I don't wanna be the one to cry. There's a danger in loving somebody too much
and its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust. There's a reason why people don't stay where they are cause sometimes love just ain't enough"
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"Being single is like being Spiderman: it is my gift, it is also my curse."
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"Immature love is to love someone because you need them. Mature love is to need someone because you love them."
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"It's one thing to know one's heart. It is another thing to admit it.
It is something altogether different to follow it."
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p.s. I have 6 or 8 more really awesome quotes - some from the world's coolest authors! - but they're faithfully recorded in my Quotebook Notebook which is the only one of 80 some notebooks in my bedroom that I can't find at present! But I guess I've said enough. Shoutouts of the week go to those of you who will recognize your own quips from this list. ...even bigger shoutouts to those of you who are brilliant enough to recognize mine ;)

p.p.s. Happy Valentine's Day.